Why am I still single?
I honestly don’t exactly know why I am still single.
I like to believe I’m choosing to date myself for a while now, considering my history with girls in general.
Getting them is not the problem, keeping them around is or was, I don’t know since I haven’t tasted the waters in a very long while now.
Loving women is my forte, some would argue that I even adore them more than I let on but nonetheless; the idea of dating one right now seems a little bit far-fetched to me.
Looking at my past history though, I have had one girlfriend. No, you didn’t just read that wrong. I actually have had one OFFICIAL girlfriend. It was nice having her around, she was something of a goddess —a sensual goddess.
Sadly, that only lasted 5 months for reasons that I would like to say were my fault entirely. But, life moves on.
Lovers on the other side though, lemme see, 4/5 I think, one I don’t really consider a lover since I was only 12. She gave me my first kiss though. Totally awesome. Plus she was like 8, 10 years older than me but a good kisser nonetheless.
Back to why I am still single. Well, I believe, besides getting to know myself better, I think I am trying to protect these daughters of Eve from the not so “Emotionally Mature” me —albeit I’m getting there— fear not lovelies, you won’t have to wait much longer. The lover in him still breathes and awaits, eagerly.
To give you a little perspective, I am going to take you back to a time when I was feeling like the shit. You know that feeling?
Yeah, you feel me?
So I meet these pretty amazing girls, not at the same time but one after the other and I didn’t really care about who or what I said hurt. I just did me. If I wanted something I’d just take it or do it, you know. And this really messed them up. I remember watching one of them cry right in front of me and my silly ass just gave her that “What is your problem look”. I later realized what I had done actually. Talked about her like she was a whore —damn, this is deeply hurting me even now— I know I did damage because the look in her eyes was the kind that is accompanied with tears of sadness. It’s never a good feeling, realizing that look.
Another was brave enough to tell me how I deeply hurt her feelings although our arrangement was merely a mutual understanding between friends who found each other attractive. Damn, the girls I’ve hurt… I don’t even want to go there now. But maybe I should.
I was a really shitty person back then. I was very inconsiderate that I did end up hurting them and using them with no remorse whatsoever —okay, maybe a little remorse.
There is this one particular girl though. There’s always that one particular person. And she, btw managed to make me cry.
No, she doesn’t know. I am pretty certain my closest friends can tell who it is that I am talking about. She is amazing, I hope she still is and oh mi goodness isn’t she beautiful. My life literally changed for the better when I met her you know… Ah, Majaliwa, you fool. How did you manage to screw that up too?
My goal was to love and I scored an epic miss then wondered why I make girls cry. Now I’ll just have memories. It’s hard to lose a chosen one.
But, anyway, this thing called life… You win some, you lose some